Oceanic Dinner

Okay, so I had to include some LOST reference in the blog (even if it is only the title). Again, why do I watch this show every week???

Today was pleasant. I laid out in David's back yard for a bit trying to prepare my overly white skin for Florida exposure. I got so sweaty and uncomfortable that I gave up after 45 minutes and came inside to take a shower. I read for a long while and then took a nap (because I could). It was relaxing and pleasant. Once David got home from work he was gushing about what a beautiful day it was. He asked what I did and I told him that I tried laying out but it was too hot for me. This is when he changed his tune and told me I was going to hate Florida. I know this. I've been telling him all along. Everyone says I will get used to the heat, but I really don't believe it. Part of me hopes something else comes up - that someone somewhere else offers me a job - because I don't have any desire to be in Tampa during the summer. But as this was the only thing that has been offered, I pretty much have no choice at the moment... Gotta go where the Universe directs me.

That being said, I got the urge to drive to the beach. I stopped at Whole Foods and bought myself a salad and some oranges. I found my way to Folly Beach. The county park was already closed by the time I got there, so I parked in a public access beach lot and took my salad to the coast. The sign entering Folly said "Edge of America" and I couldn't help but repeat that in my mind as each wave lolled up onto the sand. It is so weird to think that James and I were separated by this body of water for so long. And now we are separated by much more than land. I had a million other trails of thought carving their way through my mind as I sat on a log facing the beach. Like the billions of tiny shells that wash up on the shore - not even the ones that people pick up and collect - but the ones that are the size of a pea. Those all belonged to living creatures that are long deceased. So much life; so much death. So much that we never even pay attention to because it doesn't effect us directly.

I began my recurring daydream of who we are as I was sitting there. Every few years I revisit this idea with a different understanding of who "I" am. I think I may have posted about this earlier in the blog. After selling all my things and leaving my friends and family, I had to re-evaluate who "I" was. I was not my job, because I've not got one. I was not my stuff; my talents or my abilities. So what's left but experience? If I am a culmination of my own experiences, then how would I exist without outside influence? If someone was devoid of all senses, and had no physical experiences, what is it in them that thinks and feels? The soul? The Mind? God? Nothing? But that's the whole thing is that we cannot exist without outside influence. Even the food we eat influences us; shapes us. Yeah, this is a normal evening inside my brain. Glad you joined me for a bit.

1 comment:

Trina said...

Couple things. One, I don't know why we keep watching it, but we can't stop now. (We all [at the weekly Lost party I attend] loved the line from this week's episode, "Add it to the list."--Red's response to Fairaday's question about where the power comes from that lights up that medical-supply hatch.) Two, that picture of you is gorgeous. Beautiful. You are radiant. Three, your brain and my brain would get along fine.