When Am I Gonna Get Paid?

GAH!!! I'm such a freaking loser. I couldn't even write 2 days in a row... urgh. I'm so disappointed in myself.

I have no good excuse for not writing, either. I spent ALL DAY on the internet yesterday. Mainly screwing around on Craigslist and Facebook. I also managed to look through concerts coming to Tampa, Orlando, Chicago, Milwaukee and Atlanta. Oh, and I read a bunch of Twitter updates. But I didn't write!

This is the only thing I have to write about, however: I have not received a paycheck since the 2nd week of DECEMBER. True. I worked this month. But I haven't been paid. Hmmmm...
In the 9 months that I have been doing freelance work for this studio, it has always been that I put my invoice in on Friday and receive a check the following Friday. Not once has it been any different - until this month! I have 2 invoices that the company is just sitting on. Tomorrow is the last day of January and rent is due. I have $12 in my checking account. I have about 120 miles left in my gas tank. I have enough food for 2 or 3 more days (I'll have to be creative with breakfast). This BLOWS!

You would think that if a company was going to change their policies on paying freelancers, they would give some sort of notice to said freelancers. But why would they do something thoughtful like that?! I sure freaking hope my apartment complex can work with me on this one. I am not about to pay $50 a day past the 3rd if I still haven't got a paycheck... GRRRRRRRR


Time to Do What it is I Do

Someone asked me today about my blog. I sorta shrugged it off as something I only seem to do when I am traveling. But then I got to thinking. Someone asked about my blog yesterday, too. And the someone yesterday went on to talk about her struggles with her art - completely not related to me - but something that was suggested to her struck a chord in me. Her professor told her to spend an hour a day on a project she's working on, and complete a small part of it. After two weeks, if she didn't like what she came up with, she could distract herself with something else.
I got sidetracked in my own mind while she was sharing this with me. I though to myself, "huh. I could easily sit down and write for an hour every day in stead of spend an hour idly staring at a computer screen." Would I be happy with my work after two weeks? Who knows? But at least I would be doing something towards my goal for that time period instead of sitting around feeling afraid to try.

So here I am. Writing my blog on nothing of importance. But in the big picture, it could be a huge step towards something much more meaningful. I don't want to sit around not doing things because I'm afraid of failing (or succeeding). I'm tired of saying "I'm working on a book" but doing nothing but organizing and re-organizing my notes. I want to DO.
Just like anything, it takes starting to actually start something. I talk about wanting to exercise 3-5 times a week, but end up staying in bed too long and coming up with excuses not to. (Aside: I very recently uncovered an extremely deep-rooted fear that goes back to being in and out of hospitals my entire childhood. I grew up being told I couldn't physically exert myself without getting sick, and therefore have had a subconscious belief that I cannot exercise which has manifested itself as fear of exercise and procrastination.) I'm proud to say that last night I went for a 12 mile bike ride. Sunday I rode 18 miles and last Friday I rollerbladed a mile for the first time in 2 years. I started something.

I talked about doing things differently all of last year, and for the most part I did things differently. For whatever reason, the universe has decided to present me with my biggest challenge in doing differently to date. I am attempting to give up a coping mechanism I've had my entire life. Fear is the only thing that holds me back. Fear that I'm going to have nothing left if I give this up (which is a reasonable fear because, let's face it: I don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs, don't even ingest caffeine). What will there be left for me to use to "cope" with? Pain and tears? That doesn't seem satisfying at all.

I read a book yesterday called "She: Understanding Feminine Psychology." It uses the myth of Psyche and Eros to illustrate a woman's path in life. It had me in tears when I was reading about Psyche's 4th and seemingly impossible task (which she fails at the end, but is subsequently rescued by Eros). I sort of feel as though I have been given this impossible task. My life has been set up for it. I was brought to Florida, given supportive friends, removed from distractions (I have ZERO crushes at the moment - there are NO cute boys in Tampa), and presented with these truths about myself that had never before occurred to me as something I could deal with. All the help is here if I need it. I just have to DO.

If biking and writing make successful examples of me DOING, I think I will be alright in my difficult task.



I'm talking about the television show, not actually being lost. I'm not quite sure I can get lost...
Anyway, I just spent the last 8 days re-watching my favorite series. This time, I kept a running list of questions that I have. Some of them are incredibly simple and really have no impact on the story line (like why does Rousseau say "there's no such thing as monsters" when they ask about the smoke monster). Others are central questions to the plot. Either way, I thought I would post them here. Maybe my fellow Lost fans can clear some things up if I've missed them. Feel free to comment and add questions of your own!


1. How does Jack wake up in the middle of the jungle while everyone else seems to end up on the beach? EDIT: I only mention this because of a deleted scene on the DVD that shows Christian standing over Jack's body in the forest, telling Vincent to wake him up because he's got work to do. EDIT #2: how awesome that they repeated that scene when Jack found himself back on the island!!

2. Why does the smoke monster make mechanical noises? Why does it sound like an alarm?

3. It appeared that trees were being torn down in two different places at once on the first night - is there more than one smoke monster?

4. What happened to Christian's body?

5. Who are "Adam" and "Eve"?

6. What are the black and white stones found with Adam & Eve?

7. What does Rousseau know about the smoke monster? EDIT: That her team and her lover went into the temple hole and came back 'changed' !!!

8. What "sickness" was killing Rousseau's team that provoked her to kill them? EDIT: first actual concrete answer. going into the smoke monster's hole made them act crazy. granted, we don't know why or how, but we know there was never a weird flu bug or anything.

9. What are the whispers in the jungle? THEORY: time traveling Losties

10. Why did the psychic refuse to do Claire's first reading? What did he see?

11. Why does the psychic insist that Claire raise the baby? What "danger" surrounds the child?

12. Why did Kate lie about her dad taking her hiking and hunting?

13. How does John know all the things he does - predicting rain, tracking, hunting?

14. Why does Ethan appear to have super-human strength?

15. Why is the beach eroding?

16. What are the numbers? Where do they come from? Why are they powerful?

17. How did the Black Rock get into the middle of the island?

18. Who started the fire for the black pillar of smoke when Rousseau takes Claire's baby (there are no footprints)?

19. What does Locke see in the smoke monster?


20. Why does Shannon (and later, Sayid) see Walt? What is he saying?

21. Why did the Others take so many of the Tailies, but none of the other Losties?

22. Where did the US Army knife come from? EDIT: in 1954 the US army was testing a hydrogen bomb on the island.

23. Was Dharma part of a US government project, or privately funded? --- NEVERMIND. The Hanso Foundation funded the Dharma Initiative.

24. How did the plane from Nigeria get on the island? EDIT: physically. I mean, Nigeria is half a world away from the South Pacific. How did that little passenger plane make it there?

25. Why do the Others dress like they are hillbillies? Why the costumes?

25. Why was Libby in the psych ward with Hurley?

26. Who dropped the palate of food? EDIT: In the Flame station, there was a command on the computer to have a palate drop. Did Patchy have food sent to the Losties?

27. Why does Dr Pierre Chang go by Marvin Candle in the Swan orientation tape, Mark Wickman in the Pearl orientation tape and Edgar Haliwax in the Orchid tape?

28. What's up with the giant bird that Hurley thinks says his name?

29. WTF is the 4-toed statue? Where is the rest of it?

30. What are the injections for?

31. How long have the Hostiles been on the island? Where did they come from?

32. What do the symbols in the countdown for the Swan station mean?

33. What exactly happens when the hatch implodes? Why does the sky turn purple?

34. Why does Ben give Michael a compass bearing of 325 (and all other travelings to and from the island are using a bearing of 305)? THEORY: possibly because the island moved in time when the hatch imploded. Faraday mentioned he would have to calculate a new bearing based on where they were in time. Michael's bearing is different from the other bearing because it is pre-hatch implode. ??


35. What happened to Desmond's clothes?

36. How does Ms Hawking know the future and what Desmond needs to do?

37. Why does Brother Campbell have a picture with Ms Hawking on his desk? Does he also know Desmond's future?

38. Where did Karl come from? Was he born on the island? If so, how?

39. Why do the Others wear white cloth for Coleen's funeral? Do they have some weird religion on the island?

40. How can Mr Eko scare off the smoke monster at first?

41. Did Richard Alpert somehow arrange Juliet's husband getting hit by a bus?

42. What is the branding "mark" mean that Juliet gets for killing Danny?

43. Who the fuck is Jacob???

44. What happened to the bird with the note that Claire tied to its leg?

45. Why won't Ben let Juliet take someone off the island for further fertility testing?

46. Why won't he let Juliet see her sister?

47. Can Ben really cure cancer?

48. What is the symbol in the tree (where the medical supplies are hidden)?

49. When Juliet is yelling at Sawyer and Sayid about being 'moral police' she asks Sayid if they know about Bosrah. What happened with Sayid in Al-Bosrah?

50. Why does Naomi have a picture of Desmond and Penny?

51. What was Naomi's original purpose of coming to the island?

52. How does Anthony Cooper get to the island?

53. Why does Ben start getting better once Locke gets to the barracks?

54. Why does Ben ask Richard (sarcastically) if he still remembers birthdays? Does that mean that he no longer ages, but once did?

55. Why does Richard Alpert appear not to age?

56. What happened to Ben's friend Annie? Did Ben kill her too?

57. What is the perimeter to Jacob's cabin for?

58. Why can't Locke see Jacob?

59. What does Jacob tell Ben?

60. Why is Locke supposed to help Jacob?

61. Did Desmond really see Claire and Aaron get on a rescue helicopter?

62. What happens to Charlie's DS ring? Will Claire ever find it?

63. Did Ben start jamming communication on the island after the anomaly?

64. Why does Jack keep referring to his father in the flash forward as though he is alive? Is it just because he's on drugs, or is his father one of the "undead"?

65. Why is the funeral in the ghetto and why did no one show up?

66. Why is Mikail nearly invincible?


67. Who is the tall black guy that comes to see Hurley in the psych ward, Locke in the hospital and has a meeting with Naomi?

68. How the hell does Charlie come to visit Hurley? Is he dead? Is Hurley crazy? Why does the other patient see Charlie too? ("I am dead. But I am also here." WTF)

69. Why is Daniel Faraday crying when he sees the coverage of Oceanic 815 on the news?

70. What is the machine Miles brings to the woman's house? How does he talk to dead people?

71. What is Daniel talking about when he says that the light doesn't scatter right on the island?

72. Why is Charlotte so interested in Oceanic 815?

73. Why is there a polar bear skeleton in Tunisia with a Dharma collar?

74. Why does Sayid seem to recognize Naomi's bracelet and its inscription?

75. Who is R.G.?

76. Why does Elsa have the same bracelet as Naomi?

77. What exactly is the experiment Daniel does with the beacon? Why does the payload arrive later? Why do the clocks differ by 31 minutes?

78. Who is the guy Sayid kills on the golf course?

79. Why does Miles want 3.2 millions dollars? What is the significance of the amount?

80. Who and what is Ben and why does Widmore say everything Ben has he took from Widmore?

81. What are Charlotte and Daniel doing with the cards? EDIT: Trying to improve Daniel's memory. From the amount of time travel he's done, he does not remember many things (like meeting Desmond at Oxford).

82. How did the helicopter with Sayid and Desmond take off at dusk and land in the middle of the day?

83. Why does Daniel not remember Desmond coming to Oxford? EDIT: because he's a time-traveling nutter

84. Why does Daniel's journal say "if anything goes wrong Desmond Hume will be my constant"?

85. Who does Juliet resemble to Ben?

86. Why does Regina jump overboard?

87. Who really faked the Oceanic 815 crash at the bottom of the ocean (Tom tells Michael that Widmore did it; Captain Gault tells Desmond and Sayid that Ben did it)?

88. Where did Frank Lupidis go on his "errand" and what was it?

89. Why won't the island let Michael kill himself (or how)?

90. How does the doctor show up on the island dead before he is killed?

91. Why/how does Ben wake up in the middle of the Sahara on October 24, 2005 directly after he moves the island?

92. Why does Ben go as Dean Moriarty in Tunisia? Why does the clerk look so frightened once she knows who he is?

93. Why was Nadia murdered?

94. What "rules" did Widmore change when he killed Alex?

95. How did Ben call the smoke monster? Why was he so dirty when he came back?

96. Why does Charles Widmore claim the island is his: always has been, and will be again?

97. Why did Jack get appendicitis on the island?

98. Why do dead Losties come to visit Hurley?

99. What is Kate doing for Sawyer when Jack is waiting for her at home?

100. Why didn't the smoke monster kill Keamy and the rest of the soldiers?

101. Why did Claire go with Christian and leave Aaron behind?

102. Why is Richard Alpert at the hospital when Locke is a baby? EDIT: because in 1954 John Locke tells Richard Alpert that he is going to be born 2 years later.

103. What is the test Richard Alpert has young Locke take (with the Book of Laws, baseball glove, vial of sand, compass, comic book and knife)? Why does he freak out when Locke chooses the knife?

104. Why was Locke drawing pictures of the smoke monster when he was young?

105. Why does the "secondary protocol" have a Dharma symbol on it?

106. Why are Claire and Christian speaking for Jacob and what the hell do they tell Locke besides that he has to move the island?

107. How did Claire's mom recover from the car accident?

108. What does Miles mean when he tells Charlotte he's surprised she doesn't want to stay after how much time she spent trying to get "back here"? EDIT: rephrase the question - HOW does Miles know Charlotte was born on the island before she remembers it herself?

109. What does Sawyer tell Kate before he jumps out of the helicopter?

110. Why does Sun want to help Charles Widmore? EDIT: because she wants to kill Ben and thinks he is responsible for Jin's (supposed) death

111. What does Sun blame Jack for?

112. Why is John Locke also known as Jeremy Bentham?

113. How does Michael leave the island on day 65, go home, alienate his son, try to kill himself by crashing his car, recover, try to kill himself again, get talked into helping Ben by a visit from Tom, get a job on a freighter that also carries Naomi, Miles, Frank, Charlotte and Faraday, and be in the middle of the ocean for Naomi to parachute onto the island before day 81 or 82 (she dies on day 90)????

114. Horace Goodspeed was killed in the "purge" by the Hostiles and Ben 12 years prior to the crash. That means Dharma was wiped out in 1992. Kelvin Inman joins the Dharma Initiative after the Gulf War, which ended in 1991. Desmond crash landed on the island in 2001. How is it that Kelvin pushed the button for 9 years and the Others never came to bother/kill him?

I went onto the Lost wiki (BIG mistake) a little while ago. I just read one article and scrolled down to the "unanswered questions" section. ..cough.. I found 20 more questions that I didn't even *think* were questions in less than 30 seconds on that site! I'm so screwed. Well, at least you know that these were my honest questions before I became ultra-obsessed. If I find answers, I'll update in blue.