Back to the Grind

I started my job today. I was super nervous because I had never even set foot in the building before. I didn't know anyone, and could barely remember the name of who I was supposed to meet up with. I didn't even really know what I would be doing.
Although awkward, it turned out well. I got the hang of pressing sheets quickly (I've only prepped for fashion before, never linens) and fell into a zone where I wanted there to be more so I could focus on the meditative quality of smoothing out wrinkles and perfecting something in physical form.
I will really enjoy this.

Unfortunately I received some bad news. The woman who I am supposed to be replacing is staying on for the entire shoot next week, and for the catalog in June. This means the that after this insignificant 2 1/2 day stint, I won't have any more work until June 16th. This is a huge problem, as I have $8 in my checking account and no cash left. It's times like these that I get nervous trusting that the Universe will provide.

I've been down for the past two days. I miss my friends and it's proving difficult to make new friends with similar interests here in Tampa. It's nice to have Danelle, Melanie and Amanda around, however they are all very busy. I had met a nice boy and was excited to have alot of things in common with him. I bought Radiohead tickets thinking he would want to join me, but was dead wrong. I was so bummed about being "stood up" that I sold the tickets to Amanda and then went shopping for stupid shorts instead (which I found at Target, btw - I had to try on several of the same style shorts in the same printed size because apparently the number stitched into the tag no longer has anything to do with the actual width of the waist).
I met up with this girl Christina at Starbucks after making my purchase, trying desperately to not think of how disappointed I was and not allow myself to feel rejected. This is when Amanda called from the show.

The sound I heard over the line at first was muffled and unrecognizable. But then those soaring angelic vocals of Mr Yorke pierced my ears and prickled every hair on my body. I stood up from the table I was sitting at with Christina and some others and walked immediately to a quiet area near the parking lot. I was amazed at how clear the music was. They broke into "Everything in it's Right Place" and I started to cry. I sat mesmerized by this cellular concert and remembered that I was actually out to be social. I hurried over to Christina to apologize but said I was going to stay on the phone to listen to the rest of the show. I grabbed my bag and headed to the car. Song after song I kept pressed to my ear, tingling with every swoop of Tom's soaring falsetto. Just as I pulled up to park the car at home, Amanda's phone cut out. I pried the phone off my sweaty ear to see a call time of 40 minutes. Tinnitus set in, just as if I had actually been there. I sent Amanda a thank you text, and she called me back shouting into the phone "My phone is dying - listen!!" It was the very beginning of the amazing climax of "Exit Music (for a Film)," my absolute favorite Radiohead song. I had heard the haunting lyrics "You can laugh/A spineless laugh/We hope your rules and wisdom choke you/Now we are one/In everlasting peace" and then the phone cut out for good. I sat frozen on my bed covered in goosebumps and gaping. I could have shot myself for selling those fucking tickets. I had rationalized it by saying "oh I've seen Radiohead in England, I don't need to see them again" when really I knew it was poised to be a spiritual experience and I didn't deserve it.

So not only am I feeling bummed about the boy, I'm regretting not going to the show and terrified that I'm not going to have any money now that I will be without work for another month. How trying this living life as it comes thing is!
One thing for sure, I'm glad Amanda and her friend Claire were allowed to experience such a beautiful thing last night. At least I can take solace in that.

Scribbles for nibbles ;)

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