6.09.2008

Request

I have been asked to take my previous blog down because someone thinks it's full of shit. I am not taking it down and this is the reason why:
I share everything. It makes people uncomfortable. I am aware of this and I feel bad for some of the people it effects but I do it for a reason. Not enough people talk about what's really going on. I got an email from a friend of mine the day after I posted the blog about how I was hurting. He told me he was suicidal and needed my help. He asked if he could come stay with me in Florida. If I hadn't posted that, he may have never said anything - and another one of my friends could have committed suicide.
I do it for the few people that contact me and say "thank you" for having the guts to say what they are feeling. I do it so other people don't feel alone. I wear my heart on my sleeve and it pisses some people off, but it helps just as many. And that's why I do it.

If you don't like what I post, don't read my blog! It's as simple as that. I try not to use names. Unless it's James or Shana really. I can't avoid names when it comes to "ex" or "best friend."

I know I am not blameless, and I never claimed to be. James and I have been unhappy for a long long time. We have both played our parts. I did some pretty terrible things as well - and James has asked me not to post them because it would just cause even more problems for him. But I know I'm human. And so is he. Everyone that knows me, knows that. Everyone that knows me well knows specifics. It's not a secret.
So just to clear that up for anyone that's wondering - I have been beating the hell out of myself for fucking up in a relationship that was very dear to me. But even if I hadn't fucked up, we were already doomed. Spending 2 years separated because of the government losing paperwork is no way to start a marriage. We both changed so much in that time that we were just too different to mesh any longer. We tried, though.

So that being said, I wish to state that I do not want to cause anyone harm. I honestly only posted the email to Bradley because I was too lazy to re-write it for blog form. I took out the name of the person it involved and that's it. My bad. Laziness tends to be quite a common character defect.

Anyhow, I'm sorry if I cause some people more trouble than they care for - but just know that by posting the intimate details of my life on the internet saved at least one life. It's about connecting with humans through the most barbaric and raw emotions that we all experience. Maybe if we all talked more about what was really going on, there would be less confusion and hate in the world.

3 comments:

Rebecca said...

I don't think you should take down your blog or change it. Seriously. I realize everything isn't all about me, but I appreciate your honesty and I feel more connected to you when I can read what you're REALLY and TRULY going through. Keep up with the honesty, leave out names, and let 'er rip. I wish I had the balls to tell it like I see it--on a blog. I could, as you know I wear my heart on my sleeve, too. But, I'd lose my job and that's not good!
Be well, my dear friend. I'm praying for you. I love and miss you lots and lots!

Trina said...

I am completely with you on the "people don't talk about what's really going on" thing. I appreciate knowing what's going on with my friends, and right now, I'm in touch with you mostly through your blog (along with the Lost texts, but we won't have those for a few months. *sniff*). And it's your blog, and even though it seems obvious, sometimes people need to be reminded "if you don't like it, don't read it." My friend's ex blogs sometimes about how much she hates him, so he doesn't read her blog. And she doesn't even leave his name out.

Scholar and Sailor said...

Got the books! Did you actually make it through On the Road? I never could...you will have to give me a review :)

hugs--
k