5.14.2009

Home Sweet... Home?

I moved back to Wisconsin last weekend. It was a difficult decision that was made a bit easier when I lost my job at the photo studio. I had been deciding whether it was economically better for me to move home or not when the axe came.

I now live with my mother. This would not be a problem if my mother lived in Florida and it was 85 degrees out. But my mom lives in Waukesha - a place that has many bad memories for me. I was driving around the other day looking for furniture left on the curbside (yeah, so?) when I inadvertently found myself next to my old boyfriend's house from 12 years ago. 5 minutes later I was driving by my old best friend's house and then the cemetery he's buried at. There were happy memories too - like the bowling alley we had Crouton Fest at, and the boardwalk my ex-boyfriend dragged me to against my will to watch the sunrise (I've always been a vampire)... but nevertheless, there are A LOT of memories here. It's unnerving.

The second reason I'm bothered by my relocation is that my ex-husband is still here. He was supposed to move to NYC at the end of April but the construction of the new coffee shop was delayed and he's not leaving until late July now. Obviously, like everything that happens in my life, there is a reason I'm back here now. I feel like it must be time to face all the things I'm afraid of; all the things that make me uncomfortable - and still walk with my head held high. The only reason I am here is to get ahead. I can't plan (or attempt to plan) my next move until I can get caught up. I've got some debt that needs clearing up and some teeth that still need to be fixed. Once that is taken care of, I can move on - or back to Florida. Whichever. I can never know what the universe has in store for me.

Ideally I would like to work at Universal Studios this year for Halloween Horror Nights. I decided I don't do snow anymore. If I can be a bit of a "snowbird" I will. But again, I don't know what's in store for me. I really just have to do what's in front of me. What's in front of me now includes trying to sell enough stuff on eBay to pay to register my car in WI and get my old WI driver's license back. It also means meeting with an agency on Monday to discuss work options in the photo industry here. I'll probably even make a trip to Jimmy John's to see if they need drivers, and possibly the Exclusive Company for a shift or two (what can I say? I'm a glutton for punishment).

So that's that. I miss Florida already. The sun... as much as I like to think I'm a vampire, I love what that beautiful sun does for my mood. I never realized how depressed I was until I had sunshine for 365 days and wasn't any longer! I'll just have to hang on to the knowledge that someday I will live in a sunny climate again. It is what my soul needs. At least I discovered that much.

2 comments:

Magdalena said...

Aww! You'll have sun again sweety. Even if you do turn into a snowbird...hehe. I miss you. Good luck with the job search.

Shane said...

Self discovery, I've learned, is pretty much the greatest thing we can do for ourselves.

Welcome (momentarily?) back!

-Shane