Creative Earnings?

As most of you are already aware, I lost my job in Florida and have moved back to Wisconsin. I've got a job prospect, but unfortunately the "busy season" doesn't start for another month. I do not get unemployment. I do not have any savings. My car insurance is due today and this is my last resort - selling the very last of my CDs - to try to make ends meet.
I could take them down to Exclusive Company to get instant cash, but I would much rather sell them to people I know (again because these are the CDs I've held onto the longest, they mean something to me). Obviously I'm keeping my MUSE, Editors and Mew collection but that's all.
So here's the list - let me know if you're interested in any of it:

CDs:
Athlete - Beyond the Neighborhood
Band Marino - The Sea & the Beast
Blackbud - Heartbeat EP
Boy Kill Boy - Civilian
Dance Hall Crashers - Lockjaw **SOLD**
Dashboard Confessional - Drowning EP
Dashboard Confessional - Swiss Army Romance
Dashboard Confessional - Summers Kiss EP
Dashboard Confessional - So Impossible EP
Dashboard Confessional - Places You Have Come to Fear the Most
Dashboard Confessional - MTV Unplugged
Dashboard Confessional - A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar (UK Bonus Tracks)
Dear & the Headlights - Small Steps, Heavy Hooves
Dear & the Headlights - Drunk Like Bible Times
Ani Difranco - Little Plastic Castle
Frente! - Marvin the Album
Green Day - 1039 Smoothed Out Slappy Hours (Lookout! Records)
Green Day - Kerplunk (Lookout! Records)
Green Day - Dookie
Hot Chip - The Warning
Hundred Reasons - Ideas Above Our Station
Incubus - Make Yourself
Interpol - Turn On the Bright Lights
Jewel - Pieces of You
Jimmy Eat World - Clarity
Jimmy Eat World - Bleed American
Joy Division - Closer
Joy Division - Unknown Pleasures
Joy Division - Still
Joy Division - Substance
Keepsake - Black Dress in a B Movie
Mars Volta - Deloused in the Comatorium
Matchbox 20 - Yourself of Someone Like You
Myriad - With Arrows, With Poise
Nada Surf - The Weight is a Gift
Radiohead - OK Computer
Reel Big Fish - Turn the Radio Off
Reel Big Fish - Why Do They Rock So Hard
Reggie & the Full Effect - Promotional Copy
Remy Zero - The Golden Hum
Smiths - The Very Best of (UK version)
Spinto Band - Moonwink
Sunny Day Real Estate - LP2 (the pink album)
Sunny Day Real Estate - Diary

Original Soundtrack to Amelie
Les Miserables (Original London Cast)


DVDs:
Boondock Saints
Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
Control
Finding Neverland
Full Metal Jacket
Joy Division (documentary)
Stardust **SOLD**
Stigmata
Sunshine

L'alternative Music (Collection of videos plus CD - REGION 2)
Battle Royale II (REGION 3)

---More to come---

Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad?

Why do things have to be so difficult? Why is life so painful sometimes? Is it solely so we experience the joys more fully? Or is that just it - pain - with no explanation?

I have been trying my best to hold my head high when it has come to my divorce. Today I feel like I'm dragging my own face through the mud. I don't know how to get over someone. It was so much easier when I was 1200 miles away. I didn't have to worry about running into him or anyone else. Here it's like there's this constant nagging at the back of my head that he's less than 20 miles away; that I could (and have) run into someone he's close to at any time. I feel fragile.

I'm not sure if all my emotions are just amplified because of the move and other circumstances, but I am so sad today that I can't seem to stop crying. I went through FB and deleted all the people that were his friends (sorry, if you were one of them - I sent most an explanation email before deleting just so they knew it was nothing they had done). I love FB but sometimes it's the bane of my existence. I don't need to be reminded every stinking time someone tags a photo of James (what started this crying binge in the first place) or comments on something he said or posted. I blocked him and his girlfriend just for my own sanity, but the reminders kept coming. How does anyone get any space in this digital age?

So I wonder, naturally, why I am faced with all of this full on with no distractions. I was supposed to have a date today - you know - try to move on; have a good time. But like all the dates I was supposed to have in the last 2 months, it got canceled. Seriously. What does the universe want from me? Why did he get to date someone before I even left town the first time, but I have to be alone and focus on bettering myself? Can't I just fuck around and not do the next right thing for once?? What am I supposed to take from this?

I am hurting. I don't know how to make sense of my pain. I would go see my therapist, but I haven't got a job, let alone $80/hr to pay her. So this is where I emote. You can choose not to read it, you know?

Home Sweet... Home?

I moved back to Wisconsin last weekend. It was a difficult decision that was made a bit easier when I lost my job at the photo studio. I had been deciding whether it was economically better for me to move home or not when the axe came.

I now live with my mother. This would not be a problem if my mother lived in Florida and it was 85 degrees out. But my mom lives in Waukesha - a place that has many bad memories for me. I was driving around the other day looking for furniture left on the curbside (yeah, so?) when I inadvertently found myself next to my old boyfriend's house from 12 years ago. 5 minutes later I was driving by my old best friend's house and then the cemetery he's buried at. There were happy memories too - like the bowling alley we had Crouton Fest at, and the boardwalk my ex-boyfriend dragged me to against my will to watch the sunrise (I've always been a vampire)... but nevertheless, there are A LOT of memories here. It's unnerving.

The second reason I'm bothered by my relocation is that my ex-husband is still here. He was supposed to move to NYC at the end of April but the construction of the new coffee shop was delayed and he's not leaving until late July now. Obviously, like everything that happens in my life, there is a reason I'm back here now. I feel like it must be time to face all the things I'm afraid of; all the things that make me uncomfortable - and still walk with my head held high. The only reason I am here is to get ahead. I can't plan (or attempt to plan) my next move until I can get caught up. I've got some debt that needs clearing up and some teeth that still need to be fixed. Once that is taken care of, I can move on - or back to Florida. Whichever. I can never know what the universe has in store for me.

Ideally I would like to work at Universal Studios this year for Halloween Horror Nights. I decided I don't do snow anymore. If I can be a bit of a "snowbird" I will. But again, I don't know what's in store for me. I really just have to do what's in front of me. What's in front of me now includes trying to sell enough stuff on eBay to pay to register my car in WI and get my old WI driver's license back. It also means meeting with an agency on Monday to discuss work options in the photo industry here. I'll probably even make a trip to Jimmy John's to see if they need drivers, and possibly the Exclusive Company for a shift or two (what can I say? I'm a glutton for punishment).

So that's that. I miss Florida already. The sun... as much as I like to think I'm a vampire, I love what that beautiful sun does for my mood. I never realized how depressed I was until I had sunshine for 365 days and wasn't any longer! I'll just have to hang on to the knowledge that someday I will live in a sunny climate again. It is what my soul needs. At least I discovered that much.

Brief

I haven't blogged in over a month for a good reason. I am wrestling with a few difficult decisions, and did not want to make it public information (which I always tend to do if i sit down in front of the computer to write).

I will be back in Wisconsin for a visit next weekend. It's been a long time. 8 whole months without seeing my family and friends! I'm looking forward to the quiet drive by myself (seriously) and can't wait to have some REAL chocolate milk! LOL

Really, the only reason for this post is to let anyone that actually pays attention to me know that I am alive and well (relatively speaking). See you soon

ebay mania

It has been almost a year since I left Milwaukee. I am starting to feel that pull again from the middle of my gut. It's this strange sensation that's telling me to not get too attached to things and be ready for change.

Both of my roommates are unemployed at the moment. I was notified that the photo shoot I was booked to work on in June has been canceled. Neither of the catalogs I work for are making money. It's looking like May will be my last bit of employment. I've already made plans to work at Summerfest in Milwaukee this June.

With the sneaky suspicion that I could be out of a job, I've begun preparing for what that would mean. I'm downsizing once again, and getting ready to head out if need-be. Mostly because I need to have as little as possible to be able to stay in a very cheap room. I'm a little scared, but also excited at what the future could bring. It's been too long in this city that doesn't interest me much. I love my friends here. I've made a lot of personal progress. But something is telling me I'm not supposed to stay. We'll see.

In the meantime, I'm busy listing things that I've had since the 90s on eBay. I found a box of Beanie Babies, Jurassic Park collectibles and NKOTB memorabilia that I'm working my way through at the moment. I'm getting rid of the rest of my CDs and DVDs (except the essential MUSE, Editors, Travis and Mew collection and my LOST DVDs). I have all the music on my hard drive. I've got all the DVDs on my hard drive as well. I don't own a CD player anymore, and my DVD player broke... so why keep them?

It's been a weird couple weeks. I've grown less and less attached to my things. They aren't me. They aren't even my memories. I keep those with me. Some things may remind me of who I am and what I have seen and done, but if I've got a picture of it, I don't necessarily need to keep the physical object. It's been like I'm shedding a layer of skin. I'm letting go of things and know I'm alright with who I am and the people I love. I don't need much in this world, but I do need to give and receive love. Sometimes things get in the way of that need.

Anyway, I'm not making any rash decisions, just to let you know... I'm planning in my my own roundabout way. Like I said, I have work until May. I'll be back in Milwaukee for a visit in April, and then back to work at Summerfest in June. Hope you are all well.

Dance Dance Ybor

I have been in the habit of making random friends for as long as I can remember. In fact, my mom has lovingly told countless stories of when I was young and she would take me to the playground. I would light up like the sun and scream "KIDS!!!" as soon as we got out of the car. Within 5 minutes, I would have some poor child by the hand, dragging them back to introduce my new "friend" to my mommy. It was the first thing I ever collected - friendship.

If you browse my Facebook page, I could tell you a million little stories from the different people I call friends. I think there are maybe 1 or 2 people in my list of 540 that I haven't met in person. But generally, the only people I accept as "friends" are people I actually know. There is the random boy I met at the ocean when I locked my keys in my car 10 months ago; the girl I met at EACYPAA in Kalamazoo 8 years ago. There are people I worked with in London; people I met on a fateful train journey from San Francisco to Chicago in 1999; people that I went to school with (grade school, high school, college in Madison, Milwaukee and London). Friends of friends in Chicago, Philadelphia, LA, NYC - all over. I am proud of the friendships I collect, and I'm always looking to expand my collection.

So lately, I have been using the internet to make more random friends. There is a newspaper here called Creative Loafing and they have a personals site where readers can hook up and find similar personalities through profiles. I got an email from a girl a few months back and we've been emailing and texting for a while now. Yesterday she was supposed to be in town with her friend for a metal show in Ybor. I was exhausted from working, and really just wanted to go to sleep, but I was bewitched by the possibility of meeting some cool new friends. So I changed out of my work clothes and dragged my butt down to Ybor.

I'm so glad I did. Despite the fact that I was freezing my ass off because I decided I didn't need my coat (or gloves), we had a great time. Sarah is my Florida sister now (like Amy is my Chicago twin). We didn't get much time to talk, but I could tell that she's someone cool that I will have lots in common with. Her friend Dayna was also very awesome. We have a metal kinship. Funny enough, Sarah had arranged to meet someone else from the interwebs at the same time - figured she would kill 2 birds with 1 stone. It was a big meet 'n' greet party. We went down to Gameworks and used some of the points left over from my birthday party to play Dance Dance Revolution. Sarah jumped all over in front of me to try to screw me up. I would post the pictures, but she hasn't added them to Facebook yet.

Anyway, it was a successful new friendship and I look forward to many random days with the 2 girls from Ft Myers.

PS This blog is especially for George ;)

Circuit City

I really haven't got much to say. I started back at work today. Fun times!

I was driving around after work trying to decide which grocery story to buy fruit from when I saw the big yellow sign on Circuit City that said "Store Closing." I remembered hearing that Circuit City was liquidating, but had no idea when that was taking place. I figured that would be a fun stop to make, and it was right next to Whole Foods - which is a good place to find fruit.

Besides the fact that most stuff is only 20% off at the moment (and I'm almost positive they inflated the prices before starting the sale), I still managed to spend nearly an hour and a half there. I thought about how I could buy myself a new DVD player if I had money (but why would I need it, since I'm selling all my DVDs?)... Then I thought about how I could get a new laptop if I had the money (because the TWO laptops I already have don't seem to be enough). Then I planted myself in front of the BOSE surround sound system (which was marked down from $499 to $399, and will not be going lower). But I would really need a TV, DVD and receiver to go with the awesome speakers. So I wandered off to the portable storage - and found a 1TB hard drive that was marked down to $235. I only paid $150 for mine. (This is why I'm convinced they inflated prices before starting markdowns.) The iPods were only 10% off, but most were already gone. There were tons of DVDs left still, but I couldn't find any titles I was willing to spend money on (at only 20%, $21.99 movies aren't that cheap).

After wandering every single isle daydreaming about the stuff I could have (that I don't really even want in reality) I finally settled on a cheap wireless mouse for my laptop and a package of Presentation Paper. Both are things I have been wanting for a while. Mostly because my touch pad drives me crazy. I ran out of Presentation Paper months ago and haven't been able to print any of my button-badges since. Overall, a successful trip. But god help me in an electronics store! I don't know what it is. I just get lost there. There's something ultimately calming for me to be near electronics and media, which I find ironic since they all require significant amounts of energy. Maybe I'm like this weird android that feels better around like-minded machines. But I guess that would mean I would feel the opposite in bookstores and libraries, which is not the case. Oh well. I just like "toys." I guess there's nothing wrong with that.

Arctic Blast?

Why is it that I think I have blogged when I have actually done nothing? Is it because I sit around and think about writing things all day that I imagine I've put pen to paper in reality? Whatever it is, it's gotta stop!
Seriously, I just filled up my journal and I was flipping back through the pages over the last year and a half and noticed random notes scribbled in the margins during late night "brain spurts." I will be falling asleep sometimes and think of some really good phrase or an idea for a story, so I grab whatever is closest to me and write it down (which always happens to be my journal next to my bed). Problem is, I never go back and read them. I really need to come up with a system for organizing my notes, thoughts and ideas. I used to have this hand held tape recorder. That would probably be good now. But then again, I can use voice notes on my phone and I don't. I actually found some recordings on my old sim card from concerts I forgot I attended.

My brain is obviously swimming with all these story lines and half-formed thoughts for my books and blogs, yet I never seem to produce anything substantial. Does that happen to any of you? It's so frustrating because I know if I could actually get myself to do what it is my brain keeps telling me to do, I would be successful at it. Maybe that's what's stopping me. I don't know what successful looks like. Maybe I don't want to be successful because it's easier for me to be a loser.

Anyway, all these scattered thoughts over books and notebooks will have to be dealt with. Why is it that I finally make a resolve to do something grand just as I'm starting work again? Is it that whole failure, self-sabotage thing? Somebody please tell me to pull my thumb out and start going through my journals and organizing things!

By the way, the title is because the newscasters here are babbling on and on about this "arctic chill" that will be coming through Florida. Tomorrow night it will be 30 in Tampa. Oh no! 2 degrees below freezing. I think it's hilarious how there are all these major weather warnings out for the county I live in, all because the temp is approaching 0 Celsius. (Although I did complain earlier when I rode my bike to the Post Office and I didn't have gloves.) Anyway, laugh it up Northerners. Yes, sunny Florida is getting frost.

Pittsburg Fans are Lame

Not half an hour after I posted my rant about not being paid in 6 weeks, my friend Kathy at work sent me a text informing me that the checks were there. What a freaking relief!
I rushed over to pick up my monies and was then informed that from now on, they will be holding our checks for 30 days - which means that this check is supposed to pay February's rent, March's rent, my phone bill, credit card, feed me, and fill my gas tank for a month. It was $975. Not happening. URGH. So you guys on Facebook really need to buy the rest of my stuff LOL!

I just think its more than inconvenient what's happening. I was using the money from my sale to fix my teeth (I have to come up with $2100 for a bridge before my top tooth grows completely out of the root). But now the money I have been saving up will go to filling my gas tank and putting food in my belly. It's like I'm never going to get caught up. I just don't want to lose any more teeth!

Speaking of teeth, I had this really crazy dream the other night. I won't go into too much detail, but the president was in it and my friend Tommy from Milwaukee. Obama was telling me that we had to recycle this poisoned water from Iraq and Tommy was having me move his vinyl collection to make room for the water we had to store. I looked into a mirror to find that all of my teeth had turned black. Sarah, Tommy's wife, came up behind me and said "Oh, your teeth are dead! That's one of the side effects of handling this poisoned water. The only way we can fix it is by giving you a shot of straight adrenaline into your spinal cord. That way it will change your entire chemical makeup." Because of the unknown side effects of the spinal injection, I decided I would rather let my teeth fall out. Sounds like my subconscious has a lot on its plate!

Anyway, that's about all that's going on here. I have money. It's Superbowl Sunday (and the Superbowl is happening just a couple miles from my house). I am staying inside and pretending there is nothing different about this day. If I go outside I may get attacked by the crazy Steelers fans. Funny story - I splurged Friday night by going to my favorite restaurant, Thai Terrace. The restaurant is only 2 blocks from Raymond James Stadium and there was a tent with Superbowl merch taking up half of the parking lot. So I had to park in the other side of the lot (which Thai Terrace shares with the Ho Jo) and as I pulled in, a group of guys were standing outside being obnoxious. I got out of the car and they were like "HEY! this spot's only for Steelers fans!!" I just shot them a dirty look, hoping they would pick up my telepathic message of "I live here, get out of my city" and walked over the restaurant. Apparently football fans think they have control over everything when their team is in the Superbowl. LAME!

When Am I Gonna Get Paid?

GAH!!! I'm such a freaking loser. I couldn't even write 2 days in a row... urgh. I'm so disappointed in myself.

I have no good excuse for not writing, either. I spent ALL DAY on the internet yesterday. Mainly screwing around on Craigslist and Facebook. I also managed to look through concerts coming to Tampa, Orlando, Chicago, Milwaukee and Atlanta. Oh, and I read a bunch of Twitter updates. But I didn't write!

This is the only thing I have to write about, however: I have not received a paycheck since the 2nd week of DECEMBER. True. I worked this month. But I haven't been paid. Hmmmm...
In the 9 months that I have been doing freelance work for this studio, it has always been that I put my invoice in on Friday and receive a check the following Friday. Not once has it been any different - until this month! I have 2 invoices that the company is just sitting on. Tomorrow is the last day of January and rent is due. I have $12 in my checking account. I have about 120 miles left in my gas tank. I have enough food for 2 or 3 more days (I'll have to be creative with breakfast). This BLOWS!

You would think that if a company was going to change their policies on paying freelancers, they would give some sort of notice to said freelancers. But why would they do something thoughtful like that?! I sure freaking hope my apartment complex can work with me on this one. I am not about to pay $50 a day past the 3rd if I still haven't got a paycheck... GRRRRRRRR

Time to Do What it is I Do

Someone asked me today about my blog. I sorta shrugged it off as something I only seem to do when I am traveling. But then I got to thinking. Someone asked about my blog yesterday, too. And the someone yesterday went on to talk about her struggles with her art - completely not related to me - but something that was suggested to her struck a chord in me. Her professor told her to spend an hour a day on a project she's working on, and complete a small part of it. After two weeks, if she didn't like what she came up with, she could distract herself with something else.
I got sidetracked in my own mind while she was sharing this with me. I though to myself, "huh. I could easily sit down and write for an hour every day in stead of spend an hour idly staring at a computer screen." Would I be happy with my work after two weeks? Who knows? But at least I would be doing something towards my goal for that time period instead of sitting around feeling afraid to try.

So here I am. Writing my blog on nothing of importance. But in the big picture, it could be a huge step towards something much more meaningful. I don't want to sit around not doing things because I'm afraid of failing (or succeeding). I'm tired of saying "I'm working on a book" but doing nothing but organizing and re-organizing my notes. I want to DO.
Just like anything, it takes starting to actually start something. I talk about wanting to exercise 3-5 times a week, but end up staying in bed too long and coming up with excuses not to. (Aside: I very recently uncovered an extremely deep-rooted fear that goes back to being in and out of hospitals my entire childhood. I grew up being told I couldn't physically exert myself without getting sick, and therefore have had a subconscious belief that I cannot exercise which has manifested itself as fear of exercise and procrastination.) I'm proud to say that last night I went for a 12 mile bike ride. Sunday I rode 18 miles and last Friday I rollerbladed a mile for the first time in 2 years. I started something.

I talked about doing things differently all of last year, and for the most part I did things differently. For whatever reason, the universe has decided to present me with my biggest challenge in doing differently to date. I am attempting to give up a coping mechanism I've had my entire life. Fear is the only thing that holds me back. Fear that I'm going to have nothing left if I give this up (which is a reasonable fear because, let's face it: I don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs, don't even ingest caffeine). What will there be left for me to use to "cope" with? Pain and tears? That doesn't seem satisfying at all.

I read a book yesterday called "She: Understanding Feminine Psychology." It uses the myth of Psyche and Eros to illustrate a woman's path in life. It had me in tears when I was reading about Psyche's 4th and seemingly impossible task (which she fails at the end, but is subsequently rescued by Eros). I sort of feel as though I have been given this impossible task. My life has been set up for it. I was brought to Florida, given supportive friends, removed from distractions (I have ZERO crushes at the moment - there are NO cute boys in Tampa), and presented with these truths about myself that had never before occurred to me as something I could deal with. All the help is here if I need it. I just have to DO.

If biking and writing make successful examples of me DOING, I think I will be alright in my difficult task.

LOST

I'm talking about the television show, not actually being lost. I'm not quite sure I can get lost...
Anyway, I just spent the last 8 days re-watching my favorite series. This time, I kept a running list of questions that I have. Some of them are incredibly simple and really have no impact on the story line (like why does Rousseau say "there's no such thing as monsters" when they ask about the smoke monster). Others are central questions to the plot. Either way, I thought I would post them here. Maybe my fellow Lost fans can clear some things up if I've missed them. Feel free to comment and add questions of your own!

SEASON 1

1. How does Jack wake up in the middle of the jungle while everyone else seems to end up on the beach? EDIT: I only mention this because of a deleted scene on the DVD that shows Christian standing over Jack's body in the forest, telling Vincent to wake him up because he's got work to do. EDIT #2: how awesome that they repeated that scene when Jack found himself back on the island!!

2. Why does the smoke monster make mechanical noises? Why does it sound like an alarm?

3. It appeared that trees were being torn down in two different places at once on the first night - is there more than one smoke monster?

4. What happened to Christian's body?

5. Who are "Adam" and "Eve"?

6. What are the black and white stones found with Adam & Eve?

7. What does Rousseau know about the smoke monster? EDIT: That her team and her lover went into the temple hole and came back 'changed' !!!

8. What "sickness" was killing Rousseau's team that provoked her to kill them? EDIT: first actual concrete answer. going into the smoke monster's hole made them act crazy. granted, we don't know why or how, but we know there was never a weird flu bug or anything.

9. What are the whispers in the jungle? THEORY: time traveling Losties

10. Why did the psychic refuse to do Claire's first reading? What did he see?

11. Why does the psychic insist that Claire raise the baby? What "danger" surrounds the child?

12. Why did Kate lie about her dad taking her hiking and hunting?

13. How does John know all the things he does - predicting rain, tracking, hunting?

14. Why does Ethan appear to have super-human strength?

15. Why is the beach eroding?

16. What are the numbers? Where do they come from? Why are they powerful?

17. How did the Black Rock get into the middle of the island?

18. Who started the fire for the black pillar of smoke when Rousseau takes Claire's baby (there are no footprints)?

19. What does Locke see in the smoke monster?


SEASON 2

20. Why does Shannon (and later, Sayid) see Walt? What is he saying?

21. Why did the Others take so many of the Tailies, but none of the other Losties?

22. Where did the US Army knife come from? EDIT: in 1954 the US army was testing a hydrogen bomb on the island.

23. Was Dharma part of a US government project, or privately funded? --- NEVERMIND. The Hanso Foundation funded the Dharma Initiative.

24. How did the plane from Nigeria get on the island? EDIT: physically. I mean, Nigeria is half a world away from the South Pacific. How did that little passenger plane make it there?

25. Why do the Others dress like they are hillbillies? Why the costumes?

25. Why was Libby in the psych ward with Hurley?

26. Who dropped the palate of food? EDIT: In the Flame station, there was a command on the computer to have a palate drop. Did Patchy have food sent to the Losties?

27. Why does Dr Pierre Chang go by Marvin Candle in the Swan orientation tape, Mark Wickman in the Pearl orientation tape and Edgar Haliwax in the Orchid tape?

28. What's up with the giant bird that Hurley thinks says his name?

29. WTF is the 4-toed statue? Where is the rest of it?

30. What are the injections for?

31. How long have the Hostiles been on the island? Where did they come from?

32. What do the symbols in the countdown for the Swan station mean?

33. What exactly happens when the hatch implodes? Why does the sky turn purple?

34. Why does Ben give Michael a compass bearing of 325 (and all other travelings to and from the island are using a bearing of 305)? THEORY: possibly because the island moved in time when the hatch imploded. Faraday mentioned he would have to calculate a new bearing based on where they were in time. Michael's bearing is different from the other bearing because it is pre-hatch implode. ??


SEASON 3

35. What happened to Desmond's clothes?

36. How does Ms Hawking know the future and what Desmond needs to do?

37. Why does Brother Campbell have a picture with Ms Hawking on his desk? Does he also know Desmond's future?

38. Where did Karl come from? Was he born on the island? If so, how?

39. Why do the Others wear white cloth for Coleen's funeral? Do they have some weird religion on the island?

40. How can Mr Eko scare off the smoke monster at first?

41. Did Richard Alpert somehow arrange Juliet's husband getting hit by a bus?

42. What is the branding "mark" mean that Juliet gets for killing Danny?

43. Who the fuck is Jacob???

44. What happened to the bird with the note that Claire tied to its leg?

45. Why won't Ben let Juliet take someone off the island for further fertility testing?

46. Why won't he let Juliet see her sister?

47. Can Ben really cure cancer?

48. What is the symbol in the tree (where the medical supplies are hidden)?

49. When Juliet is yelling at Sawyer and Sayid about being 'moral police' she asks Sayid if they know about Bosrah. What happened with Sayid in Al-Bosrah?

50. Why does Naomi have a picture of Desmond and Penny?

51. What was Naomi's original purpose of coming to the island?

52. How does Anthony Cooper get to the island?

53. Why does Ben start getting better once Locke gets to the barracks?

54. Why does Ben ask Richard (sarcastically) if he still remembers birthdays? Does that mean that he no longer ages, but once did?

55. Why does Richard Alpert appear not to age?

56. What happened to Ben's friend Annie? Did Ben kill her too?

57. What is the perimeter to Jacob's cabin for?

58. Why can't Locke see Jacob?

59. What does Jacob tell Ben?

60. Why is Locke supposed to help Jacob?

61. Did Desmond really see Claire and Aaron get on a rescue helicopter?

62. What happens to Charlie's DS ring? Will Claire ever find it?

63. Did Ben start jamming communication on the island after the anomaly?

64. Why does Jack keep referring to his father in the flash forward as though he is alive? Is it just because he's on drugs, or is his father one of the "undead"?

65. Why is the funeral in the ghetto and why did no one show up?

66. Why is Mikail nearly invincible?


SEASON 4

67. Who is the tall black guy that comes to see Hurley in the psych ward, Locke in the hospital and has a meeting with Naomi?

68. How the hell does Charlie come to visit Hurley? Is he dead? Is Hurley crazy? Why does the other patient see Charlie too? ("I am dead. But I am also here." WTF)

69. Why is Daniel Faraday crying when he sees the coverage of Oceanic 815 on the news?

70. What is the machine Miles brings to the woman's house? How does he talk to dead people?

71. What is Daniel talking about when he says that the light doesn't scatter right on the island?

72. Why is Charlotte so interested in Oceanic 815?

73. Why is there a polar bear skeleton in Tunisia with a Dharma collar?

74. Why does Sayid seem to recognize Naomi's bracelet and its inscription?

75. Who is R.G.?

76. Why does Elsa have the same bracelet as Naomi?

77. What exactly is the experiment Daniel does with the beacon? Why does the payload arrive later? Why do the clocks differ by 31 minutes?

78. Who is the guy Sayid kills on the golf course?

79. Why does Miles want 3.2 millions dollars? What is the significance of the amount?

80. Who and what is Ben and why does Widmore say everything Ben has he took from Widmore?

81. What are Charlotte and Daniel doing with the cards? EDIT: Trying to improve Daniel's memory. From the amount of time travel he's done, he does not remember many things (like meeting Desmond at Oxford).

82. How did the helicopter with Sayid and Desmond take off at dusk and land in the middle of the day?

83. Why does Daniel not remember Desmond coming to Oxford? EDIT: because he's a time-traveling nutter

84. Why does Daniel's journal say "if anything goes wrong Desmond Hume will be my constant"?

85. Who does Juliet resemble to Ben?

86. Why does Regina jump overboard?

87. Who really faked the Oceanic 815 crash at the bottom of the ocean (Tom tells Michael that Widmore did it; Captain Gault tells Desmond and Sayid that Ben did it)?

88. Where did Frank Lupidis go on his "errand" and what was it?

89. Why won't the island let Michael kill himself (or how)?

90. How does the doctor show up on the island dead before he is killed?

91. Why/how does Ben wake up in the middle of the Sahara on October 24, 2005 directly after he moves the island?

92. Why does Ben go as Dean Moriarty in Tunisia? Why does the clerk look so frightened once she knows who he is?

93. Why was Nadia murdered?

94. What "rules" did Widmore change when he killed Alex?

95. How did Ben call the smoke monster? Why was he so dirty when he came back?

96. Why does Charles Widmore claim the island is his: always has been, and will be again?

97. Why did Jack get appendicitis on the island?

98. Why do dead Losties come to visit Hurley?

99. What is Kate doing for Sawyer when Jack is waiting for her at home?

100. Why didn't the smoke monster kill Keamy and the rest of the soldiers?

101. Why did Claire go with Christian and leave Aaron behind?

102. Why is Richard Alpert at the hospital when Locke is a baby? EDIT: because in 1954 John Locke tells Richard Alpert that he is going to be born 2 years later.

103. What is the test Richard Alpert has young Locke take (with the Book of Laws, baseball glove, vial of sand, compass, comic book and knife)? Why does he freak out when Locke chooses the knife?

104. Why was Locke drawing pictures of the smoke monster when he was young?

105. Why does the "secondary protocol" have a Dharma symbol on it?

106. Why are Claire and Christian speaking for Jacob and what the hell do they tell Locke besides that he has to move the island?

107. How did Claire's mom recover from the car accident?

108. What does Miles mean when he tells Charlotte he's surprised she doesn't want to stay after how much time she spent trying to get "back here"? EDIT: rephrase the question - HOW does Miles know Charlotte was born on the island before she remembers it herself?

109. What does Sawyer tell Kate before he jumps out of the helicopter?

110. Why does Sun want to help Charles Widmore? EDIT: because she wants to kill Ben and thinks he is responsible for Jin's (supposed) death

111. What does Sun blame Jack for?

112. Why is John Locke also known as Jeremy Bentham?

113. How does Michael leave the island on day 65, go home, alienate his son, try to kill himself by crashing his car, recover, try to kill himself again, get talked into helping Ben by a visit from Tom, get a job on a freighter that also carries Naomi, Miles, Frank, Charlotte and Faraday, and be in the middle of the ocean for Naomi to parachute onto the island before day 81 or 82 (she dies on day 90)????

114. Horace Goodspeed was killed in the "purge" by the Hostiles and Ben 12 years prior to the crash. That means Dharma was wiped out in 1992. Kelvin Inman joins the Dharma Initiative after the Gulf War, which ended in 1991. Desmond crash landed on the island in 2001. How is it that Kelvin pushed the button for 9 years and the Others never came to bother/kill him?


**EDIT**
I went onto the Lost wiki (BIG mistake) a little while ago. I just read one article and scrolled down to the "unanswered questions" section. ..cough.. I found 20 more questions that I didn't even *think* were questions in less than 30 seconds on that site! I'm so screwed. Well, at least you know that these were my honest questions before I became ultra-obsessed. If I find answers, I'll update in blue.
http://lostpedia.wikia.com

Year in Music

As far as music goes, forget Pitchfork's top 50 albums of the year. What do they know anyway??
This is the reason my top 50 list is so much better than Pitchfork's: I give you links to my favorite track from each album!

50. Louis XIV Slick Dogs & Ponies Guilt By Association
49. Safetysuit Life Left to Go Someone Like You
48. Oxford Collapse Bits Young Love Delivers
47. Feral Children Second to Last Frontier Baby Joseph Stalin
46. Copeland Beneath Medicine Tree She Changes Your Mind
45. Tickle Me Pink Madeline Typical
44. Cajun Dance Party The Colourful Life No Joanna
43. Innerpartysystem S/T Heart on Fire
42. Hawthorne Heights Fragile Future Rescue Me
41. Rise Against Appeal to Reason Re-Education (Through Labor)
40. Black Kids Partie Traumatic I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance With You
39. Sigur Rós Með Suð í Eyrum Við Spilum Endalaust Með suð í eyrum
38. The Cure 4:13 Dream Sleep When I'm Dead
37. Envy & Other Sins We Leave at Dawn Don't Start Fires
36. Los Campesinos! Hold on Now, Youngster You! Me! Dancing!
35. The Plastic Constellations We Appreciate You Perched on a Porch
34. Fairmont Transcendence Melt Your Heart
33. TV on the Radio Dear Science Red Dress
32. Aqualung Words and Music 7 Keys
31. The Envy Corps Dwell Story Problem
30. Fall Out Boy Folie a Deux Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes
29. Ludo You're Awful I Love You Love Me Dead
28. Elliot Minor S/T Jessica
27. Son, Ambulence Someone Else's Déjà Vu Horizons
26. The Presets Apocalypso Talk Like That
25. Anthony Green Avalon She Loves Me So
24. Radiohead In Rainbows Videotape (it did get released Jan 1 2008!)
23. The Ting Tings We Started Nothing Shut Up and Let Me Go
22. Ours Mercy Live Again
21. Snow Patrol A Hundred Million Suns Disaster Button
20. Neil Halstead Oh, Mighty Engine Elevenses
19. The Killers Day & Age Human
18. Jack's Mannequin The Glass Passenger The Resolution
17. Bayside Shudder Moceanu
16. Edison Glass Time is Fiction Our Bodies Sing
15. Pendulum In Silico Granite
14. The Wombats A Guide to Love, Loss and Desperation Moving to New York
13. The Futureheads This is Not the World Radio Heart
12. Curbsquirrels We Wish We Knew How to Quit This 8-Bit
11. Travis Ode to J. Smith J. Smith
10. Kerli Love is Dead Creepshow
9. Liam Finn I'll Be Lightning Second Chance
8. Shiny Toy Guns Season of Poison I Owe You a Love Song
7. Bell X1 Flock Flame
6. Coldplay Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends Violet Hill
5. Margot & the Nuclear So and So's Not Animal! Broadripple is Burning
4. Hot Chip Made in the Dark Ready for the Floor
3. Nada Surf Lucky I Like What You Say
2. Dear & the Headlights Drunk Like Bible Times Try
1. MUSE H.A.A.R.P. Hysteria


The only reason I put a live album in the #1 slot is because it's MUSE and they can do no wrong. There is no new material - just recordings from their Wembley Stadium gigs in 2007. So really, you can say DATH is #1 on my list, Nada Surf #2, and so on.

As for live music this year, I didn't get the chance to see much of anything. Of course I saw Editors, Hot Hot Heat and Louis XIV 3 times at the start of the year. Editors were amazing, as always. I tried to catch the Envy Corps in NY, but found out they canceled the rest of their shows to tour in England. I was able to see some new bands because I went without knowing they had canceled. Check out The Myriad if they ever come near you. Same goes for Vedera. The vocalist for Vedera looked like a little pixie... I wanted to hug her.

I finally saw Hot Chip this year, and it was the only show that made me bust out and dance. That rarely happens, but I broke a sweat at that Hotlanta show.

One of my favorite concerts of the year was Dear & the Headlights. They played the Orpheum and I went by myself - but had such a great experience I would drive hours to see them again.

Check out my videos at http://www.youtube.com/user/darkshines8
There are some great full length Nada Surf videos, as well as a few other gems from this year.
Looking forward to a greatly musical 2009!

The Best Year of My Life

I'm watching CNN at the moment as they are re-capping 2008. Every half hour they show another major city celebrating the coming of 2009. The headline reads: Good Riddance 2008! I don't know about you, but I can't relate to all the reporting about 2008 being a terrible year for everyone. I think I may be the only one that considers 2008 the best year of my life!

As promised, here is a list of my favorite memories (both "good" and "bad") of being 28 years old. The mantra for the year has been "I am completely open to what the universe has in store for me." [This was an incredibly fulfilling year, so it's a long list]:

*Spending two days with Editors. Having Ed and Chris suggest I tattoo their faces on my boobs. Talking with Tom for hours about music and the downfall of NME. Turning down the drunken bass player from Louis XIV.

*Getting 18" of snow in one night and then leaving Milwaukee a week later.

*Saying goodbye to the Milwaukee skyline at the lakefront with Jonathan.

*8th row tickets to Matchbox Twenty with Shana (sitting behind the Charlie look-a-like guitar player from Mute Math).

*Staying with Jen in Manchvegas - cheeseballs, Rock of Love, Cracker Barrel, the Crab.

*Locking my keys in the car at the oceanfront and meeting Jon. Getting a personal tour of the oldest settlement in NH.

*Watching LOST with Liz (and kissing the almost life-size cutout of Dom).

*Driving the Blue Ridge Parkway.

*Having an awesome first date with Justin - swimming in the Gulf at 3am.

*Nada Surf at the State Theatre with Aimee.

*Finding a ticket on eBay to see Eddie Izzard, and making a friend at the same time.

*Driving around with Amanda, Aimee and Christina to the dog park.

*Male Order Brides show with Aimee - crazy bar fight.

*Green Lake with Addie, Kelsa, Micheal and Melanie.

*Sean giving me his PS2 - and all the subsequent Guitar Hero and Rock Band playing.

*Surprise party for my 9 year anniversary.

*Howl-o-Scream with Corey and Jen. Riding Sheikra.

*Halloween Horror Nights with Christina. Wandering the Streets of Blood (or whatever it was called) and saying "I could stay here all night" as a tall ghoul came straight up to me and stared me down. oooooooh it was the sexiest moment of 2008!!

*Re-discovering my love for baseball... watching the Rays not win the World Series.

*Driving to Atlanta with Christina to see Hot Chip. Lychees. Zombie scabs.

*Seeing Dear & the Headlights at the Orpheum.

*Watching Obama turn Florida blue with all my friends!

*Trip to Seattle to see Sarah. Shopping at Trader Joe's. Watching Twilight. Eating Coldstone Creamery. Paul giving me 30 Days of Night graphic novel. Grabbing boobies.

*New Kids on the Block concert with Christina.

*Melanie giving me Bella and Alice.


Here are some of the more disappointing memories of 2008:

*Breaking a tooth on the way home from Editors in Madison.

*18" of snow in one night.

*Sleeping in my car on Easter in Vermont in 5 degree weather.

*Trying lobster for the first time - gross.

*Boston and the aftermath of Wagamama's.

*Smurfette dying.

*Having my car towed at the Eddie Izzard gig.

*Any time I hung out with Justin after the first date. lol

*Having a tooth pulled (and signing divorce papers) on my trip back to Milwaukee.

*Rays not winning the World Series.

*Twilight movie.

*Not being able to skydive.


Thank you to all my wonderful friends, both old and new, that have made this such a fantastic year. It has been a pleasure getting to know you Jon, Aimee, Christina, Amber, Erin, Barbara, Mike, Brian F, Corey, Lil Jen, Dan, Jamie, Debbie, Jessica, Melanie M, Nick, and everyone else along my travels and since my move to Tampa.

another year

Today I turned 29.
I would have to say that it was the best birthday I can remember having - mostly because I drove around with the windows down and wore a short sleeved t-shirt all day :)

I guess I'll back up a bit. I've been very busy lately, and it's been good. I was working a lot, and more recently making presents for everyone (CDs will be in the mail this week), as well as spending a lot of time with my friends. I was starting to get a bit sad this week because I am away from my family during the holidays - and I was missing James a bit. It's the first birthday I've been single for since 2001.
Fortunately, I have amazing friends (like I've mentioned before) and we had a couple great nights planned. Friday night Christina, Aimee, Amanda and I went to Outback for my traditional birthday meal of steak. The 3 of them were in top form and had me laughing so hard I thought I was going to pee on myself. The waitress brought me the free ice cream and they sang "Happy Birthday" to me. She didn't believe I was 29. She said she thought maybe 19 or 20. Awesome. Apparently I'm the only one that looks younger the older I get.

Last night a bunch of us went to Gameworks in Ybor City to play arcade games. I don't really care for the regular video games - I prefer the old school stuff. I spent nearly 2 hours playing skeeball and pinball. I played a round of DDR with Jen, and a round with Josef. We then went to a place that serves "Alaskan" tacos. An Alaskan taco is a taco that is deep-fried with all the ingredients in it. They had gator tacos, and since this year has been all about trying things I've never tried before, I got a gator taco. Surprisingly, I liked the gator taco better than the beef taco. I couldn't even eat half the beef taco - I gave it to Christina (it wasn't ground beef - it was like a slab of hamburger cooked in a shell). Gross.

Before Gameworks, a boy took me out to my favorite restaurant for Thai food. It was super sweet, and I had a great time. More will be revealed on this subject...

The best gift I got was from Melanie. She bought me 2 baby rats and the cage and all their stuff. I was so excited! Melanie hates rats, but she loves me enough to get me something she can't stand just because they make me happy. awwww!! (check out the ratties on my shoulder in the pic)

What I really wanted, however, was to go skydiving today. I have always wanted to do it, and this is the first time in my life I was in a place where it was possible to do it in the middle of December. I asked everyone I knew in Tampa if they wanted to join me. A few people said they were interested, but not financially able to join me. Amanda was the only person willing (with my persuasion) to jump out of a plane with me. We drove out to Zephyrhills, Sky Dive City at 3pm. There were a few clouds, but consistent loads taking off every 15 minutes. Something held our instructors up, and we sat and waited a very long time to be suited up and strapped into our harnesses. We finally boarded the tiny plane with about 20 other jumpers (you're crammed in side by side, straddling two long padded benches). I was watching the altimeter climb slowly as we rose above the clouds. Looking out the window, I started thinking about the past year. We came through the layer of thick white and the sun was starting to go down, which gave the clouds a very surreal textured glow about them. I started to tear up at the beauty of it, and how it was a complete miracle that I was even sitting on that plane. I looked over at Amanda, who was in such an intense state of shock I'm not sure she even realized she was on a plane anymore. I was so relaxed and peaceful, and couldn't wait to get out and be a part of the clouds when my ears went funny. I looked down at the altimeter and we had just reached 9000' but we were falling. The other jumpers were putting their helmets on and I was totally confused. The guy I was supposed to tandem with leaned forward and said the cloud cover was too thick and the pilot decided to land. I thought he was joking, but then realized the altimeter was falling twice as fast as we climbed. No good. Just under the clouds, at 5000' the licensed jumpers flew out the door one by one. There were 5 trainees, Amanda and I, and the 2 instructors left. They closed the airplane door and buckled themselves back in. We really were landing.
The plane touched down and my physical reaction was immediate. I was going to cry, and it was going to be a thorough cry. The guys were saying that we could wait around for the last 30 minutes of daylight to see if the clouds cleared up, but it was unlikely. I was like "Happy fucking birthday to me," and then started to cry. I couldn't stop myself. I kept trying to breathe it down, and look up - all the tricks I know to keep myself from crying, but I just couldn't hold it back. The one instructor kept trying to give me a hug and tell me that I could just get a rain check and come back any time, but it wasn't helping. He offered to buy me a drink ("it's nothing a few margaritas can't fix" - oh little does he know!)... They called it for sure - weather stopped the last load from taking off. We got unstrapped and out of the ill-fitting jumpsuits and slumped back to the car. As soon as I shut the door I told Amanda I was just going to let it out - since the tears were forcing their way past my eyes like some monster trying to escape its cage. And I did. I couldn't understand why I was so utterly crushed. I mean, it has been a life goal of mine - but I will get another chance. I sent a message to a few friends saying I couldn't stop crying and Christina had a good insight - I had all sorts of pent up anticipation and adrenaline, and my body was just releasing it. So true. When I was done crying, I felt much better. I even laughed my ass off at Amanda and how scared she had been (I have been telling her for 5 days that all she has to do is get on the plane and it will be okay - and she did get on the plane; she just didn't have to jump out of it). Even though I was sad, the thought kept running through my head that "there is always a reason" for things not working out the way I want them to. Who knows what could have happened.

The disappointment gave way to a great meal at Five Guys with Jen, Christina and Amanda - followed by a trip to Cold Stone Creamery. By the way, Christina got me the Vampire Book (a complete encyclopedia of vampire myths and lore!). Amanda and I came home and played with the new babies and Aimee stopped by to drop off her gift to me: a t-shirt with lions on it!

------
I just started to write my conclusion for this blog with a list of my favorite moments for the year, when I realized I really want to relive and cherish those memories - so I'm postponing the conclusion. I may do the list later tonight; I may post it tomorrow. Either way, I am not quite finished, but not quite ready to finish my 28th year. Until that post...

My Friends Over You

Let me tell you about my friends...

For about a week now I've had a date planned for tonight (12/1). At first I wasn't terribly excited. I don't like to get my hopes up for dates in case they don't turn out well. My friend Jessica was playing excited for me. She kept saying "I have such a good feeling about this!" and I just smiled and said I was glad she did.
Over the last few days I had numerous phone conversations with my date. Needless to say, they were awesome and I found myself becoming more and more thrilled at the planned meeting. We were both building this up to be 3-D awesome.

He was in Milwaukee yesterday and was flying back to Orlando last night. I spoke to him last at about 1pm and he said he would call me later since he was almost to the airport.
He didn't call back but I didn't really think about it until today.
I didn't hear from him all day.
I left work and started my preparations for the date. I had more than a handful of friends now wanting updates and wishing me luck. It seems everyone has taken an interest in my love life here. I guess I'm not the only one wishing for a happy ending after all the heartache of the past few years.

Here's the deal. He was supposed to be in Tampa for work this week. He was driving in with his boss. I knew he was most likely busy with work, but I just wanted to make sure we were still on for dinner so I sent a message asking. It was a while before I heard back and was told about complications with work. My gut already told me the date wasn't going to happen, but I held onto a bit of hope. He called and explained the situation and was trying to get his boss to let him stay another day so he could train people further (aka hang out with Vega). I waited.

I continued to get ready. I have to admit my outfit was fantastic. My hair looked great. My makeup was cooperating. There was no way I was letting this go to waste. So I decided to take a trip to the airport post office to mail some packages and wait for a response.
It came.
He had to go back to Orlando.
I was extremely disappointed. I also understood that he was exhausted from not getting a lot of sleep and having a crazy day at work. But mostly, I had built up all this excitement and expectations had developed; I felt really empty all of a sudden.

Its no secret that I'm totally crazy. My head likes to visit dark places and make up stories all on its own. It's sort of like the movie Amelie. Nino doesn't show up for a meeting Amelie tries to set up (by hiding ripped pictures with a message in the trash) and she imagines that he was kidnapped by bank robbers, shipped off to Istanbul where Afghan raiders try to make him steal Russian warheads but their truck hits a mine in Tajikistan. He survives, but takes to the hills and becomes a Mujaheddin. My insanity isn't quite that extreme, but it took me to a place where he had made up the whole story about work and he hadn't even been in Tampa. I'm guessing its because James used to lie to me about all sorts of things. But still... Ridiculous. I caught myself before giving my imagination free reign and sent out a message to Christina, Aimee, Jen and Jessica. I just said that I was going to Starbucks because the date was off - that if I went home I would just cry myself to sleep (what can I say? I've a knack for being over dramatic).

I got replies immediately. Christina first; Aimee next, reminding me that it wasn't the end of the world and that it would just have to happen another night - but that she understood the disappointment and she was on her way. Jessica just sent a message saying "On my way!" and Jen followed suit. I wandered over to Starbucks and found only one person I knew there. Nicola calmed my crazies while I waited for the others.

They all showed up. I was feeling much better already and my heart warmed at how they came out for me. Jessica had been on a date! Aimee was in bed. None of them said any of that in their replies - they just heard I was upset and came to be with me. That is amazing. That is friendship.
If I had known my friends were so amazing like this, I would have asked for them when I was actually upset - on those nights when I used to cry myself to sleep about James and that whole messed up situation. I had a gold mine of friendship that I hadn't thought to tap into.

We sat and talked about Twilight. We joked about other stupid things. I showed them pictures of the snow that my mom and Liz sent me (apparently it dumped 9" on Waukesha yesterday). Jessica had called Amanda and let her know that I was upset and she showed up as well. I was surrounded by my favorite people in Tampa, and full of love for those fabulous women.
I may not have had a fantastically hot date tonight, but I thoroughly enjoyed myself with my friends.

I want them all to know that I would do the same for any of them; I would drop anything for them. Any time.

Road Tripping in Florida

I promised my dad I would post about my Florida road trip when I got back (the Everglades don't have much as far as wi-fi service goes).

I have this week off, and thought it was time I explored the state I live in a bit. Monday afternoon I packed up Apollo (I changed Charlie's name after I gave him a nice cleansing and tlc) and headed south on 275. I have only been over the Skyway once, and that was at night. It was way more exciting during the day - almost like flying. I don't know why I like bridges so much, and especially the tall ones. It's exciting.

I realized after I crossed the bridge into Bradenton, that I was headed into uncharted Vega territory. I had never been that far south before. Anywhere. Every mile that I drove was the new furthest southern point I had ever been. I can't wait to go to Peru or Brazil so I can cross into the Southern Hemisphere! So anyway, I took my time like I always do - and stopped at an outlet mall to buy a veggie steamer. That's important. lol.
It got dark very quickly - I forget that it's the end of November because it's much warmer than I'm used to. But the sky still gets dark early whether it feels like June or not. I made it to the Everglades but wanted to be able to see them, so I figured I would try to sleep. I was on Hwy 41 and it was DARK. I sat on the hood of my car for a long time watching stars. There are 2 smaller meteor showers going on at the moment. One is almost finished, and the other is peaking tomorrow - so I saw a few shooting stars. It was so nice and peaceful. I'll have to do this more often. Actually, I think I'll go camping soon - camping in December! How awesome.

I woke up with the sun and started my drive through the Everglades. One of the first things I noticed was that there were TONS of birds. It was to the point of almost being Hitchcock creepy. The birds here have fascinated me since I first visited. They look almost prehistoric. Enormous wood storks and pelicans, strange swimming anhingas, herons, eagles, hawks, rails, nighthawks, gulls, sandpipers and cranes, terns and parakeets, cuckoos and kingfishers, grackles, mockingbirds and many many more. I turned just in time to see an entire flock of Roseate Spoonbills fly by. They are large bright pink birds. Its wonderful to see all these flying creatures everywhere. I think South Florida would be a bird watcher's dream.
I got to Shark Valley and paid my National Park fee. Pulling into the parking lot there was a huge gator sitting on the side of the road. That's one thing I don't think I'll ever get used to - alligators. They are so freaking creepy. I rented a bike (next time I'll pay attention to that little intuition that says "bring your bike with you" and avoid the $13 rental fee), and was told that the gators posed no danger unless I tried to feed them, but to still stay 15 feet away. I don't know how they expected that to happen when the bike path was only about 10 feet wide. But anyway...
It was a 15 mile trip to the observation tower and back. The 8 miles back were grueling! There was a super strong head wind and it was a constant struggle to keep peddling. I definitely got my workout for the day. My legs are still sore.There's only so much of the Everglades you can see before it becomes monotonous. I quickly tired of looking at grass and water; I stopped taking pictures of gators and birds. I did see a bald eagle, and a handful of different hawks. It was time to find something to eat, though. I continued towards my destination of the keys and found a Cracker Barrel (you know me and my road trips! gotta have some Cracker Barrel). I ate breakfast and filled my gas tank. By the way, I just had an oil change done and I spent a butt load of money on this special full synthetic oil called Royal Purple - it was worth it, because my gas mileage jumped to between 32 and 42 mpg! YAY for Apollo!

Key Largo was interesting. It's the first of the Keys and there are stupid tourist traps everywhere. Souvenir shops and such were dotted every couple blocks. I paid attention to the gas prices. $2.07 on Key Largo. Not bad. Crossing the first bridge was cool - the water was a beautiful greenish blue. It looked very tropical. But as I drove on, the Keys became grungier and less impressive. The few local gas stations and shops were run down. Gas was climbing into the $2.40's. Then I made it to the 7 Mile Bridge. I have wanted to drive over this forever! 7 miles seems so long, but so short at the same time. At one point I let myself fully realize that I was driving on a strip of concrete in the middle of the ocean - I let it sink in, and it made me feel a bit uncomfortable. The old bridges were on either side of most of the new bridges and it was unnerving to see these things rotting and falling apart. Why don't they take the steal and melt it down to reuse it? Is that possible? It just seems such a waste to have miles of material in old bridges just sitting in the ocean.
I finally made it to Key West and the sun was setting (which gas was now $2.59, btw). I grabbed my atlas to see where I could drive to watch the ocean swallow the sun. I have been waiting to see this since 2001. On the very tip of Key West is a State Park next to the air force base. I made it there, paid my $3.50 and was told I had until the end of sunset. It was absolute perfect timing. I filmed the sunset so that if I ever felt like watching the sea swallow the sun again, I could. You can find it on my YouTube page (youtube.com/darkshines8).
The last week I've been mourning my relationship again. While I was sitting watching the sunset, I had this crazy idea to take off my ring and throw it in with the setting sun. I've been wearing the cheap ring that we bought for James the morning of the wedding - since he got his real ring sized. It's a constant reminder of pain. I wonder why I hang on so tightly. It's so hard to let go of what could have been. I took the ring off and found a small rock that fit the ring like a finger. I couldn't do it, but I'm not putting the ring back on. I made my journey to Key West and left part of my pain in the ocean with the sun.Now that the sun was down, I had just a bit of twilight to drive through the streets of Key West. It sort of reminded me of the little bit of New Orleans that I saw. It was pleasing to see so many people riding bikes and walking. But there was still a shit ton of traffic. Actually, considering the whole trip (even Miami), the worst traffic I hit was on Key West. Weird.
I made it halfway back through the Keys when I decided to stop at a parking area before one of the bridges. I had a major migraine and felt like I was going to barf if I didn't sleep. The stars were even better here in the middle of the ocean (duh). I saw a few more shooting stars and then tried to rest. Fishermen coming and going made me uncomfortable and I finally decided to just keep driving. I had to pee and needed to find an open restroom. I was reading to just pull off the side of the road when I finally found a gas station that was open. I was on Long Key. I drove 40 miles looking for a bathroom. yikes. I figured I would keep driving until I hit Key Largo since I knew there was a visitor center I could park in. It was 2am when I got there, parked, and slept until morning. On to Miami...

I ate breakfast at the same Cracker Barrel, and filled my gas tank at the same gas station as when I left. Unbelievably, I drove to Key West and back on 6 gallons of gas!! 250 miles. Good job, Apollo!
I don't really know what I was planning on doing in Miami. I guess I just needed to see it, since I've never been. What a strange place. At first it really reminded me of LA. I couldn't tell if it was just because of the types of palms and the sprawling strip malls. But then I realized the light was the same as LA. And now I KNOW that strange white light that seems somehow brighter than anywhere else is due to the pollution. You can see the thick clouds of yellow over Miami from the Everglades. It's very sad. So that apocalyptic feel of white light followed me through the Miami area. I drove through South Beach. It seemed like an interesting enough area. I would definitely like to go back and explore when I'm not short on time. It was very surreal to see tall buildings scattered among all this water. And some of the architecture is stunning. Overall, I was fascinated by Miami. I've always had this contempt prior to investigation. But I'm setting that now.

I headed towards the freeway and got onto Alligator Alley (toll road through the Everglades). I was exhausted and feeling very sick. At the first rest stop I pulled in, bought some orange juice for my throat, and decided to nap before continuing on. I needed to make it back to Tampa by 8pm. It was 2pm. I really wasn't sure how long of a drive it was, but I know I needed to take care of myself. I blocked out the windows with my shades and fell asleep. I awoke at 4:15, feeling much better but frantic that I wouldn't make it back in time. I just resigned myself to being late and continued driving at my 70 mph cruise. I didn't hit traffic the whole time. I made it straight to Town and Country to meet up with Jen, Aimee and Nicole like planned.

All said and done, I really enjoyed my Florida tour. I'm resting today, and getting on a flight to Seattle tomorrow morning to visit Sarah! Thanks for reading :)

NKOTB are blogworthy

Has it really been more than a month since I've last posted??
I was apparently quite busy in October.

Anyhow, I just got back from the St Pete Times Forum where New Kids on the Block performed tonight. Yeah. I said it. NKOTB. I'm not ashamed to tell you I had an AMAZING time. Really.
It was pretty unexpected, actually. Christina had a pair of free tickets to the show in one of the private boxes. She asked Erin to go with her. Erin, unfortunately, had food poisoning today. I got to go instead.

As we were driving downtown, I was remembering the first time I saw NKOTB. My mom and aunt took me and 2 of my cousins to see them in 1989. I was 10 years old. We had nosebleed seats at the Bradley Center. I remember most of the show vividly. The crowd did the "wave" before they played. I was fascinated by that. I also couldn't believe that people actually paid to sit not only in the nosebleeds, but in the nosebleeds behind the stage. I have not been to a concert since then that was that completely sold out.
What I remembered most about the show in 1989 was that my ears rang for 2 days. My first bout of tinnitus was not because the music was too loud, but rather because there were 20,000 girls screaming at some deadly decibel. I complained to my mom during the show that I couldn't hear the music because they were all screaming. I really didn't understand why they did that. I mean, I totally thought Joey and Jordan were cute, but that was the extent of it. Why would someone pay money to scream for 2 hours?

Tonight answered my question. I now realize that at 10 years old, I was lacking the hormones that fueled most of those screams. Yeah. There's no shortage of hormones for me now. Actually, I'm pretty sure I discovered a new organ somewhere in my lower abdominal region that is activated by sexy boys dancing onstage. At one point during the show, Christina said her ovaries hurt. I totally understood what she was talking about.

The night started out with me getting goosebumps during the second song. I was a bit ashamed. I kept making faces at Christina and pretended to make fun of the girls around us singing along. Luckily I was able to outgrow my pride and drop the cynicism long enough to let the memories flood back into my mind. One of the many wardrobe changes put them all in 80s gear (complete with Joey's smiley face jacket). They were on a revolving circular stage set in the middle of the crowd on the floor as they played Tonight, Tonight. This was my favorite song from that album. I don't know what happened, but the thought of my two favorite 'kids' singing and dancing coupled with the visual stimulation suddenly overloaded my brain and I started freaking out. And by freaking out, I mean I was jumping up and down squealing like a 15 year old girl, grabbing onto Christina's arm like she was saving me from falling off a cliff... this lasted for about a minute. She was like, "that was super intense! I thought you were going to pass out for a minute!" I had become the girl I had always questioned - always judged. And I thoroughly enjoyed it.

I freaked out a second time during the night when Jordan Knight got to play his solo single "Give it to You." Holy god I thought I was going to implode. How is it that I actually think that they are still hot when everything they do and sing about - the way they dance and dress - would otherwise make me say "GAY! LAME!"?? Is it just that I have such fond memories of listening to NKOTB tapes? Or do they actually have some sort of special talent or rather power over us women? I looked around the venue at one point to see everyone, and I mean everyone, waving their hands in the air to "Hangin Tough." The crowd was on their feet. Everyone was dancing for Face Time. Even me.